im sitting here looking at my computers, and wondering if I ran a WON2 game, a dedicated server of CSE… If I directed some money to the project in Poland or wherever.. I wonder if people would join the server, and if AMX mod scripts still can bind to keys, and would it feel just like the old days? and maybe I would want to watch those movies again, and maybe I could take a second shot at the things I fucked up, but on that same hand… I came too far to think about detouring from where im going, and it feels nice to have left behind what was too much to carry, and it feels nice to walk light again, and I’d rather keep that mental peace, and finish what I started here, and make sure it leaves giant ripples in these ponds ive found  

thoughts from a dude that’s 26, read some shit on the internet, and is now entirely pissed off

   in response to #Ferguson.. I now have read that Michael Brown’s autopsy reveal his exit wounds show that he had surrendered… its fucking unbelievably saddening to me to hear of this atrocity committed YET AGAIN, and its sad that our militarized local law enforcement NEVER LEARNS, and that innocent people have to die via gunfire for this shit, so all in all, I hate to say this, but:  I’m pretty sure that it will happen another time.  Remember James Boyd?  He was killed by the Albuquerque Police… Heres the video of him getting shot..  Too brutal for you?  

   Think about it:  This is somebodies son, this is a brother, this is an American, this is a dude that was said to be “not all there”.. so how do these things factor into an equation of his unjust execution?  Where was his trial?  He clearly surrenders.. he’s outnumbered.. there’s k9’s and shit.. do you think he had that kinda fight in him AT THAT MOMENT, to take on all these armed, trained cops? and you know what, I don’t care how many fucking guns you have, if you are uneducated, untrained, and unrehearsed you can forever be a shitty, novice, inaccurate shot no matter how many times you went to the range.. what distinguishes the men that killed James Boyd is the fact that they are trained, tested, and socialized shooters who have a rank in a chain of command, and im sorry, but if you don’t have that, or have never experienced those standards, even if just for a day -then there’s a strong possibility that you do not have the potential to be on their level, even at their worst grouping.  The ones that are supposed to protect us, actually don’t think twice about pulling triggers when it comes to “their safety”… and in the military, even if at a basic training level.. they beat the shoot, no shoot.. threat level shit into your head.. and I know that “their” and “safety” are pretty relative terms, undefined that have no solid form in “dynamic environments”… the circumstances from moment to moment change in a gunfight, if that makes sense.. and Yes, im saying that an officer’s safety at risk is a debatable thing.. depending who you ask… Some protesters dumped buckets of piss on cops in Seattle one year.. were the officers risk at safety THE WHOLE TIME?  From picking up the bucket, to dumping the bucket, to actually only getting hit with piss.. probably like 7 seconds out of the 60 seconds it took to do that, were the officers really in jeopardy, and that was probably just from the bucket being accidentally dropped on them.. and even then, its just a bucket.. I mean, who the hell gets off on shooting an unarmed civilian… It’s one thing for a voluntold (hooyah ship staff, arleigh burke) warrior to kill another volunteer warrior in armed conflict.. (the Ninja kills a Samurai) but its a complete other realm of evil to execute someone unjustly who has surrendered in the fight (the Ninja killed a villager) … and the UCMJ and geneva convention, and all these other mediums of accountability (that police dont have) holds our service members to an honorable standard… overweight, “militarized” (as far as gear goes), racial profiling, hair triggered cops don’t have this standard.. think about all the other scandals you’ve heard of that ended with cops going to jail/prison?  

   I can think of two off the top of my head, [one is this tulsa clown, and the other was a sheriff, not a police officer (not sure if that counts)]…

I mean, now they’re claiming that they might even kill a Texas Militia member.. Our nation was founded on militias.. not on redcoats, taxes, and cops.. I think its wrong to threaten them, especially when the militia is pulling security on a border that is notorious for countless numbers of illegals to cross, and drugs to get trafficked, and all kinds of crazy shit going on.. especially with this Ebola scare.. its like these little gangs of cops are playing God, not only just against each other (cops against militia, like at Bundy Ranch in Nevada)… what about the cop that killed his daughters own boyfriend?  I said this a long time ago, and my facebook page was basically a shrine to my police brutality claims, but im pretty sure there’s going to be a crazy event of cops killing a bunch of people… I didn’t even have anything of a personal nature posted on facebook anymore, it was all posts about police brutality, but you know what?  everyone wanted to bury their heads in the sand about this shit, and at the end of the day its our fucking faults.. its our faults for not voting, not reaching out to our leaders, and asking them to rethink this militarized police craziness… and now they’re playing God against us with their AR-15’s, and front vertical grips, and thousand dollar chest rigs… and here now is part of the show where I point out that there’s a hierarchy of news going on.. in all the major networks, and news papers.. the Wall Street Journal newspaper you don’t read.. they all don’t give a FUCK about cyberterrorism, or the Russian nuclear bombers that just passed by California not only 5 weeks ago… And you’d think beam weapons, MRADS, flying prisons.. even the day care centers that service only to kids of prostitutes would be “news”, but nope.. this Chris Martin, Jennifer Lawrence thing is all you’re going to get, and regardless of his other political stances, Tupac’s words still ring true when he talks about the sheriffs, and the militias are just a gang, but in government form… they’re all gangs, so pick yours, and pick wisely.  

   I’m going to do a video on this soon, and expand a little more on what im talking about, and who exactly im labeling a “gang” because I did leave out the Navy for example (lol) but anyways.. thats all I have right now, think about it, and were definitely going to discuss police brutality, militarized police, militia and its role in our history.. shoot, no shoot.. ill try to cover all that more in depth because I think these things are becoming more and more neglected, and I think its best now to choose who, and what you stand for because if you look at the history of the world, and whats going on in the world right now… we as a society have a test on our way, and its time we registered to vote, and its time we made our voices heard no matter how dynamic they are.. and if you’re a police officer, and you somehow found my blog.. please, dont shoot someone that surrendered, no matter how badass you think you are, or how long you’ve been waiting to engage someone “finally”.. please, dont fucking shoot us anymore, as you’ve seen in Ferguson, and New Mexico, and Nevada, and LA… as a human being, if you hurt another human being, and it wasn’t in self defense.. shit has the potential to go very bad for you.. and dont hit anyone in the back of their head because you’re probably going to kill them, and other than that, stay safe, give your magazine a little extra tap, catch the bad guys, and please don’t get confused on who we are, most of us actually want to live     

I’ll be in Baden Wurttemberg this month.. I want to meet up with you if you’re not doing anything.. lets chill.. show me around… hit me up at gbd388@gmail.com.. or call me (united states country code) 951-515-0658… 

ill be in deutschland August 31-September.. 

13aug2014

13aug2014

secrets of an anonymous nerd part 1.

back when the 1st HALO came out (lol).. and as you can tell, this story starts a long time ago, in a neighborhood far far away from you… anyways, back when the 1st HALO came out, and newsgroups, and I think CS might of been in 1.3 or 1.1… right before the Beta tests for DOOM 3… People didnt really have access to WON, or Live.. WiFi wasn’t as “hot”… dvds weren’t burnt, or copied.. they were VCDs, or SVCDs (when the Matrix Reloaded was leaked)… before all that.. people couldn’t play 16-32 player games with each other.. not on consoles, or even the PC at least.. so they had to link up to the same IP, or the same router(s)… which meant LAN PARTY (in other words)… and I remember being at LAN partys, with up to like 20-25 other people, and chords running all over the house, and downstairs and upstairs being full of people mashing buttoms and taking turns reloading or throwing grenades, capturing flags, cursing at each other… it was a time of freedom, when gigabytes felt like terabytes, and DSL was coveted like a T1 line… a time before an explosion in the industry of fiberwire, or cyberterrorism, tundra islands devoted to warehouse’s of servers.. and looking at pictures of LAN parties  (especially the one in San Antonio) reinforce the idea of computers just being extensions of our brains, not JUST a tool, or a separate entity from ourselves… working on my computer is kinda like when the trainers look into the eyes of their whales or something, that weird bond.. its kinda like how Orcas have bigger brains and shit, so they have more emotional lives than us, with a similar life span.. Yes.  I did watch that movie too.. and there was some disgusting content in there, but other than said X-rated unnecessary, visual bullshit -it was a good Documentary, and it really got me thinking, but anyways… check it out, its called “Blackfish”… dont fuck with KILLER WHALES people.. no shit people are dying when they go into the KILLER WHALE’S pool after not feeding them or rewarding them for good behavior and basically keeping them as prisoners and shit.  anyways, killer whales.. stay away from them.

im going to build something like this one day…news,tumblr, mp4’s, documentaries, google maps.. all on separate screens… except instead of sitting in a chair, im going to be on a waterbed with a cup of blueberrys, sliced bananas, oranges, a skewer of honey walnut shrimp, grapes… and a college degree framed on my wall.
we can all work towards our dreams, right?

im going to build something like this one day…news,tumblr, mp4’s, documentaries, google maps.. all on separate screens… except instead of sitting in a chair, im going to be on a waterbed with a cup of blueberrys, sliced bananas, oranges, a skewer of honey walnut shrimp, grapes… and a college degree framed on my wall.

we can all work towards our dreams, right?

fresnel149:

prguitarman:

hoynofollo:

Not today

The new Final Destination movie looks great

That old lady with the dumpsters is SO FUCKING RUSSIAN.

cannaoisseur:

youngharlemnigga:

lovethyhippie:

faked the whole squad

Extraordinary levels of finesse

even faked the cameraman

cannaoisseur:

youngharlemnigga:

lovethyhippie:

faked the whole squad

Extraordinary levels of finesse

even faked the cameraman

on second thought

I also think that sometimes we believe we’re going to live for a super long time, and that on our deathbed’s we’re going to make ammends with the people we feel wronged us, and that we’re going to get to say goodbye to our family, and other loved ones.. but I seriously doubt this is the case.. 

   I think that back in the day, people did way crazier shit.. like circumnavigate the globe or something.. they did way crazier shit because life expectancy was alot lower than it is today.. as in, if you knew you were only going to live another two weeks, I’d pray to god that you would quit your terrible fucking job, and peace out from wherever you’re living and go do something awesome that wouldnt require a bunch of hashtags or selfies, or instagram posts or whatever.. but that it would just be so fucking batshit crazy, and kickass that other people would be doing all that internet, social media crap FOR you.. imagine that.. 

   imagine trading this false notion that we have all this time for the real truth:  You might die any second.

   ”Life” is really only a bunch of cells working together, on an undisclosed, and undisputed schedule..so make it count.  

   stop writing fake reviews for the company of your shitty job, get a passport, and say fuck it to that little town and go somewhere you’ve only seen in your dreams.. be someone new, and stop telling yourself you have X amount of years to live, because life is too short to waste believing a lie.. life is too short to be living it for someone else, life is too short to be delegated by a couple old guys claiming to be your government when they dont even have shit straight themselves.. Senators sending dick pics to random girls when their faithful wives and MOTHER OF THEIR CHILDREN are waiting back home.. fuckingdouchenozzles

   there’s so many things wrong in the world, and so many assbackwards policies and diplomats, and shit… there isnt enough time to fix all of it, but theres enough time to figure out your own bullshit, and there is definitely enough time to abandon ship and try something new/travel… and sometimes there isnt enough time to plan all this, so sometimes when you feel that calling, just go with it and figure out the details later

   im working my way through Marcus Aurelius' book Meditations… He said something that hit me kinda hard like a personal of sticky sativa… I want to share it with everyone and include some thoughts on this piece.. so here we go:  All the way from 180 CE…. Book 4, XXXVI… 

"To suffer change can be no hurt; as no benefit it is, by change to attain to being.  the age and time of the world is as it were a flood and swift current, consisting of the things that are brought to pass in the world.  For as soon as anything hath appeared, and is passed away, another succeeds, and that also will presently out of sight."

   first off, I want to get something out of the way… yes, I would categorize myself as pretty fucking weird for reading books written by Roman Emperors, and trying to make ties with present day age, but one of my personal tried and true philosophies is that: History repeats itself.  

   History will forever repeat itself.. Of course, it will take on new faces, but its the same shit every time.. Here’s some examples on this:

- Ebola = Yellow Fever in the 17-1800’s. 

-The recent shootdown of Flight 17 = Libyan Airlines Flight 114  in 1973.

-Bill Clinton’s sex scandal = Thomas Jefferson doing it with his slaves.

-Manifest Destiny, and taking the land from Native Americans = Zionism type shenanigans displacing the Palestinian people.

-Nirvana’s “Come as you are” lyrics = Blink 182’s “Adam’s song” Lyrics..

    The list goes on.. and these are just 5 examples off the top of my head, but think about it.. this shit we’re seeing in the media (also another topic).. not just CNN, or NBC.. but im talking the world news.. Al Jazeera, BBC.. VICE news.. Journeyman Pictures.. fuckin’ EVERYONE is basically reporting shit that has already happened multiple times over since the beginning of time.  That doesn’t mean im not tripped out by it though.. Pictures of world leaders from the opposing sides in World War 1 laying wreaths at memorials together.. The United States arming al queda in Afghanistan circa 1970’s just to come back and attempt to lay waste to the very people they trained.. its just crazy to me how the pattern exists in its overall entirety of repeating itself, and how deep and rich the world’s history is.. This dude Marcus Aurelius is basically speaking to me beyond the grave about how his times were basically the same as ours, and if we look back in History, sometimes we can learn about where we’ll be in the future.. but also, maybe we can use this to our advantage?  Maybe we can use it to chart the course of our lives, to be more effective towards the success of our business, or our relationships..

   Maybe history can paint a picture of things to come.  Maybe the ambition of Aristotle as a Teacher, or Alexander the Great as a Student, maybe their ambition is something we can study, and harness to use as a tool, maybe these harnessed, and learned traits can propel us to see success, and conquests as great as theirs.

   Maybe the success you want in life, whether it be traveling, or adventure, or exploring something new together with someone, different ways to ‘act out’ or play…. maybe your desires for a New World aren’t so out of reach.. just look at history, its littered with people like Jeanne BaréBjarni Herjólfsson only because they believed in themselves, only because they believed in their judgement, and they took the risk..